“Originally Posted by Jozen-Bo
Trecena Observation #7 (13*6 day counts)
April 10th, 2008 - April 22nd, 2008”
Consecutive Days:17
Total Days: 48/78 (corrected)
Free Words:
I am writing this on time! I am very tired, its been a long day. Time was beginning to speed up...that is, return to normal, but now it is beginning to slow down again. I am worn out, this makes it harder to clearly describe my experience of going into the Mind Portal.
Thoughts are coming at me so fast, I seem to be going through mood swings. One moment I feel devious and destructive, and the next I feel this is a mistake, that I should stay focused and continue. There is too much to do, and even though time is slowing down again, the proportions are the same, I still have 11 hour days of work, lunch, and travel; with only 3-4 hours left over in the evening to track, eat, and do other things with. It is a difficult challenge, sometimes I feel like giving up and at other times I figure I'd rather die from exhaustion. If I am getting anywhere with this, I might see this for myself, but sometimes I wonder if that is as far as it goes. I am eager to see something someone else has done, so far all I do is read words.
I don't see energy so much anymore, nor are my senses doing anything that seems too note worthy. Here and there there are things happening, but they happen so quick I hardly notice. However, lately when I watch the wheel spinning I am seeing more energy then ever before, I have noted recently I am beginning to visually see silver clouds that apparently come out of my mind and are sucked into the black void in the middle, and as this happens I briefly feel something I can't describe, as if I am in between two worlds.
Reality goes by normally, but it seems staged. I feel like I am not really a part of it, and yet it feels like there are a million secrets lurking around the corner. I feel attention, but from where?
Inside there is turmoil, forces are clashing. A while back I had a very traumatic experience when I recorded the 1st year on the the calendar using the 1st code I developed. Through out the year I was determined to succeed in a certain goal I set for myself, one that was to crush the devil, as I know it to be. On June the 26th of 2006 in the morning the devil came personally to end my life, there was a battle for survival. I was wedged and trapped in a parallel Universe for a brief amount of time, dream-like; but much more then a dream could possibly be. There, I felt my body being drained and shocked and as I realized I was not in reality I panicked and tried to will myself back into my body. I then felt this presence, an Entity was near. Everything about this parallel was the same as this reality, only so much more real and clear that this reality is a blur in comparison. Being a more real then this version double, the parallel bed I was on fell through the floor. I don't need to go into the details beyond this, except that I came face to face with what I could only describe as the devil. I could no longer think, I was dying fast. Somehow, I managed to get a thought out, and it was immediately to invite this Entity into me. I looked over my shoulder to see for a second this rage filled Entity hovering and flying into me. As it went in I sprang out of my bed at least three times waking up and noting how real in each case everything was. I knew in each case that it wasn't here, because it was too real. After the 4th time (maybe more I can't remember) I woke up again in the blurry place we call reality. I jumped up and danced about, I was alive and I survived a face to face battle with the devil. I remember very clearly saying out loud to myself how foolish that he'd even show himself to me, as part of his great power is that no one ever sees him so clearly, thus they can not verify him, and so he can operate in secret against everyone. I even laughed then at this.
Before this I was well aware that my body was changing in ways that cannot be explained. Many weaker spirits attempted to possess me and found once they entered my body they become prisoners to a world within me that is more vast and then the one outside of me. None have ever succeeded nor have any ever escaped after making such an attempt. But this was much more eerie. Months afterwards I still would think about it, even today I do. How far in the Mind have I gone? Why would the devil personally come to kill me? Have I gone crazy? I have been reluctant to bring this up, because I am sure this will scare many people away from even considering to use the Mind Portal. But, I already mentioned it elsewhere, so why hold back here? If there is such thing as the devil, then I am certain it is trapped inside of me, making the same foolish mistake as all those other spirits. Or, maybe its just a symbol of my subconscious, that I have gone deep and found the darkness that so many hide from that is within. Or perhaps the Truth is multi-layered, a multitude of realities fused into my position in the now. I still wonder.
Things are stirring inside of me, it feels like a tug-a-war sometimes. My visions go from good to bad to good to bad. Still, I maintain focus and strive to serve to liberate all life from suffering and imprisonment, to navigate the destiny of this world and time itself to remove the illusions that bind. But sometimes I am tempted to drop everything.
A few days ago I woke up wracked in total pain. I have heard descriptions of what it is like to come off of heroine, every cell signals pain to the brain. I never did heroine, but I felt that this description best summed up the experience of that day. I have been spending too much time trying to get this out, this Mind Portal. Why? It might be important, I don't really know but I think that it is, that it needs to be studied. But as I strive and strive and wear myself out, I ask myself should I not focus on my own health and well-being and spirit, and leave everyone on their own. After honestly sharing the worst of it, who will possibly dare to do something like this? I have found that there are courageous spirits who have the wisdom (or perhaps foolishness) and the nerve to enter. If not for them, I would have stopped by now. I can only wonder what will happen to them as they enter, or if they will find the right keys or if their code will serve them differently or what will happen. I am, needless to say, eager to find out. The pain has subsided, I still feel some, but I do not let it control me.
I don't feel like smoking cigarettes anymore. They stink! I can feel poison in my body and my sense of smell is getting much more sensitive. Tonight, after writing this, I suspect that that last cigarette that is in my pack is the last. I can think of better things to do then keep track of how many cigarettes I smoke a day.
Speaking of, I have been tracking down my activities with much more care. It is not easy, as I am tired and want to do other things, even if it only costs me 10 minutes of my time though out the day, it is so easy to just ignore the tracking, but I am not folding in. I have been dreaming more then ever before lately, and I have had more dreams in a row then ever before in my life. Last night I smoked pot with Snoop Doggy Dog, then we sparred. A few days before this I had my picture taking with Bill Clinton, who insisted that he have his picture taking with me. My dreams are getting longer and longer, just as I predicted. Strangely, for the last 4 nights they have all included marijuana in some way? I smoked weed in the past when I was younger, lots of it. Who'd guess...I did lots of other drugs too (although I never did crack nor heroine!). That was a long time ago. Funny, on another forum someone compared using the Mind Portal to smoking pot and I immediately wrote several of the differences, as going into the Mind Portal is not like smoking pot at all, its much more subtle and when things happen, much more intense. But...for the first time when I was at work today I suddenly felt stoned mildly for no reason at all, though I could easily focus on what I was doing and my confidence nor ability to work was not compromised. I had lots of energy, and I burned lots of energy as my work is very demanding on the Mind.
NOTE:I have shaved 2 times during this 13 day period.  |